Giving up the destination for the Journey.

"Life’s a journey not a destination
And I just can’t tell just what tomorrow brings"
~ Lyrics from Amazing by Aerosmith.

I am one of those "personalities" that can be incredibly goal oriented and focused. When I put my mind to something I can usually accomplish it, and quite well. Like any other trait, there are always opportunities for growth in character, however, I  believe that every attribute has its dark side as well.  What happens when life just becomes a series of goals and stepping off points for the next endever?  Are we teaching ourselves that the end result is the ultimate achievement, that we will find happiness once we've accomplished that goal? I have often been able to convince myself that if I can accomplish this one thing, the sheer prestige of the accomplishment will be enough to truly make me happy.  I have made countless plans and set time limitations for myself, some of which I have succeeded at achieving. Once I have done what I have set out to do,  I am always surprised that my emotional and mental response .  Do I feel some measure of happiness for achieving my goal? Sure, but I am also tense, mentally worn out, even physically tired from the whole experience. More often than not, I find that the latter feelings of general exhaustion usually outweigh my sense of accomplishment and feelings of happiness. I always feel that I have missed out on something in the process, and immediately search for the next thing to do that I think would help fill that proverbial 'gap.'  Heaven forbid if something interferes my time limits or plans. My dismal misguided attempts at controlling every movement within my universe have proven disastrous in the results.  I have been depressed, overweight,  filled with self-loathing, angry, and withdrawn. My health has suffered repeatedly, and my whole "joie de vivre" ... non existent. It has taken me the last 33 years of my life to realize that life just does not go to plan. One can make a million plans and set a hundred thousand different deadlines, but life has a very sadistic sense of humor. The more I fought for control the more life wrestled it from me. Every disappointment overturned the shaky soap box I was standing on devastating me in the process, and yet I still clung to the idea that if I could just accomplish the next goal I laid out for myself  the end result would be sublime happiness. It turns out the only thing that I truly accomplished was a very unhealthy cycle of chasing endless goals and next steps. 

I am not saying that goal setting itself is a terrible thing. The toxicity lies in the fact that some people become so wrapped up in "getting there"  that they miss out on the joy that surrounds the process. Take, for example, going on a hike with a rumored stunning vista at the trail end. You spend the beginning of  hike excited and happy to work towards finally making it to the top for the the view. You build up in your mind what the view should do for you, take your breath away, elate you, or give you "that special feeling". Soon, all  you can think of is getting to the top for the view. It consumes you, and drives you up. Once you reach the vista  and take a look, you become profoundly disappointed. It turns out that the view you created in your mind is nothing like what it is in actuality. The feelings that you thought you would experience at the end do not surface, and all of a sudden you are  mired in negative emotions ranging from boredom to anger. You immediately plan to climb a little higher, perhaps climbing to a greater altitude will give you the results you expect and want. Amidst all the planning you miss the bird call that sings so sweetly, the deer silently nibbling on the grass in the wooded area, and the way the sun reflects ever so brilliantly off the snow caps. Not to mention on the way up being oblivious to the family of foxes poking their noses out of their den or the dew captured on the petals of a single forest flower. What of those original feelings of excitement and happiness? Long forgotten. Forever lost in the drive to get to the end result. 

Some of you may wonder how this  can possibly relate to my practice of martial art. Firstly I firmly believe that my change in perception started with my very first day of training. Simply learning the basic techniques forced me to shut off my busy mind and simply focus on what I was doing with my body in that exact moment. I learned that as soon as my mind filled up with with worries about what I was going to make for dinner after class, or what had transpired at work earlier in the day, I was unable to concentrate on the task at hand, and lost the joy of simply being at the dojo and working my body. I would start looking at the clock to see how many minutes there were left in class, my techniques became sloppy and with that the possibility of injuring myself increased ten fold. Its very important to keep your mind clear and in the present, and also discovering the things that bring you joy in that moment. For me, it is the simple act of moving my body. Whatever technique, traditional or fighting, and even warm up, allows me to enjoy the pull of my muscles as I move them. Each movement gives me the joy of knowing where my body is, in the context of the space surrounding me. I can forget the past happenings and future problems and simply exist in the here and now. 

We all know that  ultimately the main result to strive for is that all mighty black belt, the symbol of accomplishment and mastery of practice. However, in my conversations with one of my Sensei's he asked me what it was that made me sign up for class in the first place. In truth, when I first signed up getting my black belt was the furthest from my reasoning to join. I wanted to work towards creating some balance in my lifestyle with some very much needed exercise. Becoming fit and healthy was my top priority. Not scrambling for that black belt.  I will admit that after a while my focus did eventually turn towards going for the black, however every time that it did something would mess up the deadline I set for myself. I spent a year wrestling with my lungs, unable to breathe,  and dealing with physical and mental exhaustion. All I could think about was how this was impacting my goal to get my next belt, and with that came feelings of frustration and anger. I pushed myself when I shouldn't have, not understanding my limitations, and the end result was both a sort of mental and physical breakdown. I was unable to learn anything and my body would no longer cooperate nor tolerate the demands I was placing on it. It was my last injury that truly put things into perspective. I managed to  badly tear my metatarsal ligament and a tendon in the joint of my big toe. Right before the final rounds of preparation for my belt test. I did try to continue my preparation, with copious amounts of tape and adopting the " no pain no gain" attitude, but I had no success whatsoever. It got to the point where I could not trust my foot to bear my weight and when it didn't the pain was severe. I soon realized that I could not ignore this injury, and with my Sensei's insistence that there would not be a belt test until my foot was fully healed, I set about forgetting my test and working to heal the injury. I will now tell anyone that asks, this last injury was one of the best things that has happened to me. Somewhere in the process of taking the time to rest and heal, I managed to let go of the notion that I HAD to get my black belt in exactly seven years. I now know that it really doesn't matter how long it takes for me to get there. There is no end to the study of  martial art, a black belt is merely a part of the process. Getting your black belt should be a part of the big picture, not the entire picture itself.  The importance lies in the love and passion you have for the sport, the relationships you forge with your dojo mates, the self- confidence that you gain through training, and finally, the betterment and balancing of your  everyday life. Remember why you started to train in the first place, the excitement that you felt when you got through your first class and hold on to it. Cherish each moment. 

Have gratitude for each moment that is granted to you in your life. Achieving your goals are only part of the big picture, part of the process.  Remember the journey. It's there that you will find happiness and peace, not the in the end result. 

Anne of Green Belt no longer.

My blue belt was earned yesterday, December 9th 2012. I am now moving up to the advanced class! I am nervous and excited all at once! It seems I have been working towards this step for a very long time. I look forward to training alongside my sensei's. I am wondering though how I am going to manage my meal schedule. Eating at 9 pm when I get home seems a little too late. All these new things to process! 

2011-2012 the Year of the Vortex

It's been over a year since I have last posted on my blog, and I actually wondered if I should hang up my writing shoes and simply focus on the time I have to live my life and enjoy it. After all this blog is more for myself than anyone else.  As soon  as that thought crossed my mind, I started getting those guilty twinges, and feelings that if I didn't continue I would be letting myself down in some measure. So here I am, a few hours before my blue belt test, getting ready to take you into what I have been coining " The Year of the Vortex" 

vortex  (ˈvɔːtɛks)
— n  , pl -texes , -tices
1.	a whirling mass or rotary motion in a liquid, gas, flame, etc, such as the spiralling movement of wateraround a whirlpool
2.	any activity, situation, or way of life regarded as irresistibly engulfing Last year, my job consumed every facet of my life. Unfortunately it was not a good or healthy kind of consumption. I endured high stress, a failing body, and a mind that screamed at me every moment of the day asking me why I was doing this to myself. I, to this day, can't really answer that question. The only thing I can say is that once I commit to something I like to see it through to the end. Sometimes though, for your own sake it might be better to choose peace and happiness versus survival.  I do know, however, that last year taught me a great many things, and although I came out battered, bruised and thoroughly defeated, I surprised myself by the fact  that I was still standing. I did my best under the circumstances, to continue on with my training. Training was undoubtedly the only thing that helped keep the shreds of my sanity together. The dojo provided me with a safe haven to go mentally and physically, but even so I struggled every moment I was there. Over the year my health got poorer and poorer, to the point that my lungs became so inflamed  that I struggled to breathe through every movement I made. Warm ups left me exhausted and gasping for air, I could barely make it through my kata, and forget sparring entirely.  Physical health was not the only thing that  I suffered with.  I also had huge problems with learning and focus. Upon earning my green belt on Oct. 21 2011,  I was confident that I would be able to learn my new techniques as fast as I had on prior belt levels. Not so. It took me until this summer (as I was recuperating)  to properly learn my kata. It seemed to me to be a hopeless endever, but the one thing that really kept me going is the saying that, "quitters never win and winners never quit."  I continued to plow through, despite the fact that my confidence in myself  was hanging on by threads.  My Sensei's were so patient with me, and guided me through the frustration. They allowed me time to catch my breath and do as much as I could do. This year I truly discovered that the people I train with and learn from are as much as a family as my biological one is. I am so grateful to have them in my life. This past summer led to some radical new changes for me. I managed to get to see a new doctor who did a battery of tests on me. Turns out my asthma was not asthma at all. In fact all the prednisone, and cortical steroids that I had been taking were making my symptoms worse , and doing damage to my lungs. To top it all off, one of the tests required me to stand on the scale... When I saw the numbers, I knew immediately that something had to change. Karate and active living were not enough.  My best friend Daniel, and my Doctor persuaded me to really look at my eating habits. I even left the Dr.s office in tears at one point, but I really knew what I had to do. On August 27th I changed my life forever by going on the paleo diet. In three short months I have lost 54 pounds, and my asthma symptoms have decreased significantly. I feel great and I have noticed the impact its had on my training.  I had a rough November as I caught both the nasty stomach flu as well as the cold virus that knocked me on my back for over a week. I am still coughing due to it. I also dealt with a foot injury in September that really halted my training. I managed to tear  my metatarsal ligament as well as a tendon in my big toe. I blame the injury on the inherent klutz gene that runs very strongly in my family.  It took over two months to heal and I endured excruciating pain at the hands of my masochistic physio therapist several times before he pronounced my toe "ready for action"  again. I am looking forward to starting a new year, I have been learning the bo staff, and as the time narrows until my test to merely 2.5 hours, I am smiling in anticipation.  Plus I am really excited at the prospect of ordering a new gi, as my current one is ready to fall off me. It actually looks pretty bad now. So, Wish me luck folks. I am off on a new adventure. Lets hope I can keep my nerves under control. :) Anne.

Team CANADA! Pan Am Games!!

Walking into the world of video blogging....

There is not too much to recap now, unfortunately my verbal capabilities are substandard to my writing, but I hope that with time I will be more comfortable in using the web cam to update my blog.
I am happy to be entering my third year of Karate training.  Very excited, actually. As mentioned in the video I will be doing a lot of work on keeping my hands up, and working to keep fighting fearlessly but not stupidly. I told my mother while I was visiting that I am fearless to the point of stupidity. Well this year, it would be nice to cut down on the amount of times I come close to some bad  injuries because I am not paying attention or getting lost in the moment. Sparring is going to be an important task for me. Techniques and kata are definitely my strong point. It is a little strange. Technique has never been something  I have done  well in my entire life. I had a horrific time in my music degree because my technique was terrible. I was always way behind my year mates in terms of my playing and  it really impacted my confidence, I was always more of an instinctive/ emotional/ creative musician than technical. This time around however, my technique is strong, but I struggle in  on the creative instinctive side of karate. Sparring really requires you to be able to SEE and FEEL what your opponent will do next.

Here is my list of goals.
1. Improve endurance, by doing bag work and 3-5 two min rounds a session
2. Really work on upper body strength.... Push ups, pull ups, standing rows, Australian pull ups.... using weighted bag gloves.
3. GREEN BELT
4. weapons training!
5. Musical Kata/ weapons kata!

Funakoshi's 20 Principles of Karate and its application: Principle Two

Chapter 2 : There Is No First Strike in Karate

Patience. Control. Honour.  Samurai Warriors lived within a strict code of conduct and firmly believed that their swords should never be recklessly drawn.  “ It was essential for the honourable man of the day to bear things to very limit of his ability before taking action. Only after reaching the point where the situation could no longer be tolerated was the blade drawn from its scabbard.” (Pg 23) Like a stone that has been dropped into water, the ripples of this principle can still be seen in today’s modern world of martial arts and karate. While there are not many samurai warriors waiting around at the bus stop these days, their idea that one should always avoid deadly force unless necessary is a lesson that should be taught to all, martial artist or not.  While many do not train with swords, karate-do (empty hand way) teaches us how to make our feet and hands into weapons as deadly as a blade of a samurai sword.. Therefore the concept there is no first strike in karate “ is an extension of the basic samurai principle that one must avoid the reckless use of weapons.” (Pg 24.)   However, when all resources are exhausted and there is no other recourse to take, “they must respond wholeheartedly and without concern for life or limb and [allow] their martial prowess to shine.” (Pg 25) In other words, use your head. Think before you kick.  If someone bumps into you while passing you, your first reaction should not be to jump into a fight.  Even if a situation is getting out of control, try to find different options first before resorting to physical violence. Then, if use of your skill is all that you have left, use it wisely and use it well.  Karate is defensive, not offensive. One of my all time favourite movies, the original karate kid(1984), demonstrates this concept in a conversation between Daniel and Mr. Miyagi :
Daniel: Hey you ever get into fights when you were a kid?
Miyagi: Huh- plenty.
Daniel: Yeah, but it wasn’t like the problem I have, right?
Miyagi: Why? Fighting fighting. Same same.
Daniel: Yeah, but you knew karate
Miyagi: Someone always know more.
Daniel: You mean there where times when you were scared to fight?
Miyagi: Always scare. Miyagi hate figting.
Daniel: Yeah, but you like karate
Miyagi: So?
Daniel: So, Karate’s fighting. You train to fight.
Miyagi: That what you think?
Daniel [pondering]: No.
Miyagi: Then Why train?
Daniel [thinks]: So I won’t have to fight
Miyagi [laughs]: Miyagi have hope for you.

We also see the lack of this principal in Karate Kid. It is shown through the teaching of the sensei ( if you can call him that ) in the opposing dojo:

Kreese: What do we study here?
Karate class: THE WAY OF THE FIST SIR.
Kreese: And what is that way?
Karate class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.
Kreese: I can’t hear you.
Karate class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.

I find it absolutely amazing that these principals, especially principals established by samurai warriors still have an impact upon our training today.  Do not forget, THERE IS NO FIRST STRIKE IN KARATE. Think. Have patience. Use control. Remember your honour.

As a side note you can catch Ralph Macchio (Daniel-san) in Dancing with the stars this season. Apparently rumor has it that if he wins he will do the famous crane kick..... you bet your bottom dollar that I will be tuning in to the finale to see that if he makes it.

Funakoshi's 20 Principles of Karate and its application: Principle One

I’ve decided that it is time for a little philosophical discussion of the sport I love. One of our belt test questions ask us who the founder of modern-day karate is. The answer that we have been supplied to say is Gishin Funakoshi . Sensei Funakoshi was responsible for bringing Shotokan karate over the main island of Japan in 1921, thus asserting the title of “Founder.” One of the most famous pieces of Karate literature was written by Funakoshi himself. In the book, The 20 Guiding Principles of Karate, Funakoshi establishes “ ... a way of guiding his disciples to explore the spiritual aspects of the Way of Karate, or karate-do.” (pg.15) Although this is only my second year of training, I have begun to realise that Karate simply does not stay behind the doors of the dojo. It has started to creep into facets of my everyday life, changing small things like the ability to stand taller with more confidence to changing the very core of my thoughts and the way I view the world around me. Karate is not just a sport. It should never be viewed that way, by anyone, for it actively trains both the body and the mind. For those  who are new to karate-do, The 20 Guiding Principles of Karate provides access and insight to the spiritual side of Shotokan Karate. It also acts as a rich resource for the actual development of spiritual enlightenment for students who have been training for some time.  Sensei Gishin Funakoshi once said, “the ultimate aim of karate lies not in victory or defeat, but in the perfection of the character of its participants.” So, without further adieu, I begin my exploration and analysis of each principal of Funakoshi’s  The 20 Guiding Principals of Karate.

Chapter 1: Do not Forget that Karate-Do begins and ends with REI

Rei is often defined as respect. However, in the martial arts world, rei encompasses much more than just the singular meaning of the word.  “It is both an attitude of respect for others and a sense of self esteem” (pg.19) This concept is vitally important for any martial artist, young or old. It starts by bowing at the entrance to the inside of the Dojo. Bowing shows reverence for the dojo, and the training that goes on within it. It is considered a sacred place, where the utmost importance is placed on what is taught, learned and practised. Just before we start our actual training, we take a moment to bow in again while seated. Using the words “ Sho mi ni rei” and “Sensei ni rei,” We are formally showing respect and reverence for our classmates, style of training, place of training and our sensei who teaches us.  I believe that Rei is most important while specifically training for combat or the unfortunate situation where martial arts must be used to avoid combat. “ Combat methods that lack rei are not martial arts but merely contemptible violence. Physical power without rei is no more than brute strength and for human beings it is without value.”(pg.20) It is easy to simply use excessive aggression and overwhelming strength to over come ones opponent, but without respect ones actions become misplaced from the intention of good to negative and without any value whatsoever. Think of some of the martial arts movies you’ve seen over the years. The student who is pure of heart and mind and respectful towards his dojo mates and sensei is usually protrayed as the hero, while the antagonist is usually the student with flawless technique and brutal skills. He takes pleasure in hurting his opponents and does not think twice about killing them. He is filled with ego and no sense of reverence or respect for his discipline. He is normally thrown out of his home by the Sensei. “... without a sincere and reverent heart they do not possess true rei. True rei is the outward expression of a respectful heart.” (Pg.20) Ultimately, all martial arts begin and end with rei. “ Unless they are practised with a feeling of reverence and respect, they are simply forms of violence.” (Pg.20)

One should not leave this principle behind the doors of the dojo. It can be widely used in all manners and facets of your life. Whether it be work, love or play, applying rei to everyday life and situations will surely increase your self esteem and honour. Revering and respecting everything in your life paves a path for a peaceful, meaningful future, in which others will take notice and return the same to you.