Life is full of sequels, a long line of actions and consequences, failures and successes, and sometimes, just sometimes repeating your mistakes over and over. I just finnished reading one of my good friends blogs this morning it made me think about how often I can immediately jump to the worst conclusion possible, over dramatize it, and blow it out of immense porportions. Because I know the way I react, I am learning that sometimes its best to simply wait and find out the entire story. Hard to do with someone who does not have much patience. Even though I know this about myself, it is still impossible for me not to instantly think the absloute worst. I would say 95% of the time the situation is about half as bad as I think it is. So the question I pose is how does one change a line of thinking that has been a part of them for a long time? Can we fundamentally change our thought patterns and behaviors to be of a more peaceful and serene nature (sometimes I think that it would take living in a Bhuddist monastary for me to be entirely peaceful). This has been an on going question for me as I have struggled with it my entire life. Emotions run deep and powerful within me, they bring me to wonderful highs and dreadful lows, yet there seems to be no balance, no middle ground. Lately I have been looking at my left wrist alot to remind myself that I need only to breathe. Has it been working lately? Well, truthfully its been a mixed success. I still tend to experience intense emotional reactions, but the length of time it takes to steady myself and look beyond the emotion, has decreased. I doubt that I will ever be to completely detach myself emotionally from any situation but I have a good feeling that while I may feel very deeply I will someday be able to focus beyond the storm and know that it will be ok.
I am sure that you are wondering how any of this has to do with karate . I could probably draw a million connections to it , but it is only the truths that I see for myself. Thats the wonderful thing about human beings each one of us experiences the world around us in a very unique way. Each different trial,tribulation, joy and wonderment will bring a separate truth to the table, and that truth will be no ones but your own.
That said,
I promise to see beyond the fact that I am not able to give it my all right now, I will do what I can now so I am able to give my all later.
I will see beyond the postponement of my belt test, and take it as extra time to learn and prefect skills, afterall whats an extra month or two in the face of seven years. Never again will I place a date as a goal for a belt advancement, too many unaccountable things can happen in the meantime that will lead to failure of cet goal. What the heck people! Its about the journey anyways right ?
I will not give up if my emotions overwhelm me, I will choose to experience them and then work to see beyond them .
Regards,
Anne
Filled with passion full of purpose
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
A True Test of patience
*Rant on*
For all my words of wisdom, I am having difficulty putting them to the test. This sprain blows. I can not believe how much effort I am having to have to put into not overdoing it, to sit out of the things I love to do, to become a bystander instead of a participant. It goes against my nature to only do things half assed, and thats the way I felt this week. No sparring, minimal pad work, burpees absolutley out of the question.
*Rant off*
Sensei Brian picked up on my frustrations wednesday night, what an astute man. He actually suggested that it might be better for me to "do something else" while my ankle healed so I would not be tempted to push beyond my capabilities. In some ways I think he's right, but I am afraid that if I don't get back on my karate horse I am going to lose confidence in myself . I need to be careful, but I must get back to work. It's important to me that I find that balance, to heal while continuing on. I will not let a sprain undermine my confidence in my ability to learn and continue to learn this amazing sport.
In reflection, I should really be grateful that my physio theraptist allowed me to go back to training this week. Insead of seeing the negatives of the "can'ts" I should spend my energy on focusing on what I can do. The power of positive thinking is real, and I believe in it. I am human, however, and sometimes it takes sorting out the frustrations to find the good in the situation.
I am sure that this upcoming week will be better for me.
Regards,
Anne
For all my words of wisdom, I am having difficulty putting them to the test. This sprain blows. I can not believe how much effort I am having to have to put into not overdoing it, to sit out of the things I love to do, to become a bystander instead of a participant. It goes against my nature to only do things half assed, and thats the way I felt this week. No sparring, minimal pad work, burpees absolutley out of the question.
*Rant off*
Sensei Brian picked up on my frustrations wednesday night, what an astute man. He actually suggested that it might be better for me to "do something else" while my ankle healed so I would not be tempted to push beyond my capabilities. In some ways I think he's right, but I am afraid that if I don't get back on my karate horse I am going to lose confidence in myself . I need to be careful, but I must get back to work. It's important to me that I find that balance, to heal while continuing on. I will not let a sprain undermine my confidence in my ability to learn and continue to learn this amazing sport.
In reflection, I should really be grateful that my physio theraptist allowed me to go back to training this week. Insead of seeing the negatives of the "can'ts" I should spend my energy on focusing on what I can do. The power of positive thinking is real, and I believe in it. I am human, however, and sometimes it takes sorting out the frustrations to find the good in the situation.
I am sure that this upcoming week will be better for me.
Regards,
Anne
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Pull up bars, crunches, and Battlestar Galactica
It is Saturday night and I apparently have nothing better to do than blog. Actually, its Saturday night and I am taking time out of my busy life and writing in my blog. (whoooo perspective change!!) I have Halloween II going on in the background with my husband continuing to comment on what a lame movie it is. Amist the random screams and constant stream of swear words I sit here chewing my lip thoughtfully, trying to go from my normal ping pong thinking to something more linear.
After two weeks of physio therapy, and keeping off the ankle, I finally got the go ahead to start training again. Tomorrow I will be going it to the dojo to work on testing the waters and seeing where my boundaries will be. I intend to take it slowly and not be a "hero". I am pretty excited though and I am eager to get back to training for my belt test.
I was able to watch my first tournament today. I went along to watch my Dojo mates kick a little ass and take names while they did it. I realised today, the amazing caliber of training we get at our dojo. I think almost everyone took a medal home whether it be in kata, sparring or weapons. Some may consider us a little traditionalist, and militaristic, but after what I saw today, I think that those values serve and served us well in the field of competition. Good Job Cheneys!!
So, what have I been doing with myself for the last two weeks with my gimped ankle? Aside from electro-shock therapy (which by the way, I found a little funny due to the fact that I am extremely ticklish on my feet and each zap was like someone grabbing my foot and tickling it) and hot and cold water treatments with the physio therapist, my life was spent at home going stir crazy. I was unable to work the entire last week before spring break so its been sort of a forced extended vacation for me and limited mobility truly sucks! You really dont realise how much you take your body for granted untill something goes wrong! I was able to do alot of core work, situps, crunches and pilates while watching the first two seasons of battle star galactica (god do I love that show!! My favorite characters are Starbuck and Helo). When a friend of mine suggested a pull up bar, I managed to cajole Mark into getting one for me to work out on. I found out very quickly that doing huge amounts of pushups does not equal the amount of strength needed to do a pull up. I could barely do one. My husband snickered several times watching me struggle, however that did not really deter me from wanting to make a goal to get up to one full pull up with out cheating. Right now I am working on doing Australian pull ups and standing rows, that should work me up eventually. One vital lesson in this journey of self discovery through karate, is that it is really all about paitence. You can't rush into things and expect them to happen right away, but rather takes time and dedication to acheive your goal. That said, a little fearlessness never hurt either. Sometimes I think life is really about a series of goals, and your success or failure to achieve them .
With that thought, I bid you good night and go to bed.
Regards,
Anne
After two weeks of physio therapy, and keeping off the ankle, I finally got the go ahead to start training again. Tomorrow I will be going it to the dojo to work on testing the waters and seeing where my boundaries will be. I intend to take it slowly and not be a "hero". I am pretty excited though and I am eager to get back to training for my belt test.
I was able to watch my first tournament today. I went along to watch my Dojo mates kick a little ass and take names while they did it. I realised today, the amazing caliber of training we get at our dojo. I think almost everyone took a medal home whether it be in kata, sparring or weapons. Some may consider us a little traditionalist, and militaristic, but after what I saw today, I think that those values serve and served us well in the field of competition. Good Job Cheneys!!
So, what have I been doing with myself for the last two weeks with my gimped ankle? Aside from electro-shock therapy (which by the way, I found a little funny due to the fact that I am extremely ticklish on my feet and each zap was like someone grabbing my foot and tickling it) and hot and cold water treatments with the physio therapist, my life was spent at home going stir crazy. I was unable to work the entire last week before spring break so its been sort of a forced extended vacation for me and limited mobility truly sucks! You really dont realise how much you take your body for granted untill something goes wrong! I was able to do alot of core work, situps, crunches and pilates while watching the first two seasons of battle star galactica (god do I love that show!! My favorite characters are Starbuck and Helo). When a friend of mine suggested a pull up bar, I managed to cajole Mark into getting one for me to work out on. I found out very quickly that doing huge amounts of pushups does not equal the amount of strength needed to do a pull up. I could barely do one. My husband snickered several times watching me struggle, however that did not really deter me from wanting to make a goal to get up to one full pull up with out cheating. Right now I am working on doing Australian pull ups and standing rows, that should work me up eventually. One vital lesson in this journey of self discovery through karate, is that it is really all about paitence. You can't rush into things and expect them to happen right away, but rather takes time and dedication to acheive your goal. That said, a little fearlessness never hurt either. Sometimes I think life is really about a series of goals, and your success or failure to achieve them .
With that thought, I bid you good night and go to bed.
Regards,
Anne
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