Life is full of sequels, a long line of actions and consequences, failures and successes, and sometimes, just sometimes repeating your mistakes over and over. I just finnished reading one of my good friends blogs this morning it made me think about how often I can immediately jump to the worst conclusion possible, over dramatize it, and blow it out of immense porportions. Because I know the way I react, I am learning that sometimes its best to simply wait and find out the entire story. Hard to do with someone who does not have much patience. Even though I know this about myself, it is still impossible for me not to instantly think the absloute worst. I would say 95% of the time the situation is about half as bad as I think it is. So the question I pose is how does one change a line of thinking that has been a part of them for a long time? Can we fundamentally change our thought patterns and behaviors to be of a more peaceful and serene nature (sometimes I think that it would take living in a Bhuddist monastary for me to be entirely peaceful). This has been an on going question for me as I have struggled with it my entire life. Emotions run deep and powerful within me, they bring me to wonderful highs and dreadful lows, yet there seems to be no balance, no middle ground. Lately I have been looking at my left wrist alot to remind myself that I need only to breathe. Has it been working lately? Well, truthfully its been a mixed success. I still tend to experience intense emotional reactions, but the length of time it takes to steady myself and look beyond the emotion, has decreased. I doubt that I will ever be to completely detach myself emotionally from any situation but I have a good feeling that while I may feel very deeply I will someday be able to focus beyond the storm and know that it will be ok.
I am sure that you are wondering how any of this has to do with karate . I could probably draw a million connections to it , but it is only the truths that I see for myself. Thats the wonderful thing about human beings each one of us experiences the world around us in a very unique way. Each different trial,tribulation, joy and wonderment will bring a separate truth to the table, and that truth will be no ones but your own.
That said,
I promise to see beyond the fact that I am not able to give it my all right now, I will do what I can now so I am able to give my all later.
I will see beyond the postponement of my belt test, and take it as extra time to learn and prefect skills, afterall whats an extra month or two in the face of seven years. Never again will I place a date as a goal for a belt advancement, too many unaccountable things can happen in the meantime that will lead to failure of cet goal. What the heck people! Its about the journey anyways right ?
I will not give up if my emotions overwhelm me, I will choose to experience them and then work to see beyond them .
Regards,
Anne
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