Wednesdays karate class definitely made wonder about how much of my life I spend holding my breath.
It all started with a brutal warmup. Nothing really made it stand out from all the other warmups I have been doing, in fact, most of the excersizes we did were standard for our class. Upon thinking it over I decided two things that impacted my warmup. First, the workout was done at a higher rate of speed, and secondly I simply forgot to breathe. Not so good when you are doing 50 jumping jacks, 20 push ups, 20 situps, and deep knee bends, and core excersizes...X2. By the time we hit the stretches I felt like my lungs were instantaneously being wrung out like a wet dishrag and about to explode into a million pieces within my chest cavity. It took at least five stretches for me to be able to slow down my air intake, to a point were I wasn't literally gulping oxygen. Imagine a fish without water.
Ok Anne, breathe.
Immediately after the warmup, we hustled over to the other side of the dojo to do our kata. I 've been feeling pretty confident about my kata, I am even to the point where I can do it with my eyes closed and finnish in the right direction. Well, maybe I was a little overconfident as my sensei sure had a lot of things to say about it. My knifehands were off, my opposite hand was coming off my belt when I was doing my upper blocks, I even turned in the wrong direction (drat, DRAT, DRAT!!!). Crestfallen would be a nice way to describe what I was feeling. However, devastated, and near tears would sum it up more accurately. I have been working so damn hard on that thing, and to faceplant as badly as I did... well let's just sum it up as another EPIC FAIL! I must be growing as a person because normally that would produce tears for me. Someone once told me that more people cry out of extreme frustration than out of sadness. I have to agree somewhat. It used be that a random thought would trigger my over active imagination and thus cause tears. Trust me, I used to be the victim of my own catastrophic imagination. Not so much anymore though. In fact these days I only cry out of frustration... and sad movies, oh and sad music, and tragic poetry, and unfair things that happen to people...
Holy hell, did I ever go on a tangent, trust me I have a point.
OK Anne breathe.
This time it was a matter of breathing to calm myself down, to take the time to remind myself that there will be other times to do it correctly and other times to make a huge mess of it. Perfection is merely a perception, not a reality.
Breathe.
I seemed to find my redemption in sparring. Sparring for some reason, is not something I look forward to doing. Once I am all geared up on the floor actually doing it, however, its another story completely. I love moving all the time, trying to figure out my opponent, and then testing the waters with my own measures and counter-measures. I am, however, still in the proccess of learning how to fight without every single muscle in my body tensed and expelling huge amounts of very much needed energy . Fighting is apparently all about being relaxed, I suppose in the next seven years I will eventually learn how to do it. I have been told previously by one of my sensei's that I have to simply breathe while fighting. Sparring continuously for two and a half minutes with 30 seconds to a minute rests between them, still take a big toll on my body. Usually by the end of the second round I am doubled over frantically trying to inhale twice, hold, then exhale. I am so out of shape. This time was very much like the others. Doubled over, gasping for breath. The difference, my sensei noticed my fighting and complimented me in front of the class. After class I got quite a few compliments, one of my good karate friends told me that I would be the person to have with you in a bar fight, and another one told me that they would love to see me when I have a few belts, uh, under my belt :P I left class euphoric, elated, and doing the happy dance to my car in a way that is uniquely Anne.
In the end, its all about breathing. It is not only a physical means to intake oxygen, but also a way to calm and give perspective. Remember that when life is troubling. Breathe. Don't hold it bottled up inside your body and soul, simply breathe.
"kokyuu suru"-Breathe.
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